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Culture War and No Pickles

May 23, 2022 by Valerie Flynn Leave a Comment

We have a family friend who hates pickles. They stain everything they touch with their taste. Even if the waiter takes them off the plate, our friend can still tell and sends his burger or sandwich back. We tease him about it, but he’s right pickles make everything they touch taste like pickles.

Man at chin height at wooden table behind four pickling mason jars filled with various pickled foods. — Photo by Micah Tindell on Unsplash

Maybe you like pickles. I like the sweet gherkin kind. But, I’ll pass on most others. Everyone has different tastes, different opinions. Culture is a big thing. A huge influence on us and there are numerous subcultures under that big umbrella. Just like the pickling process, we are steeped in culture and it shapes our outlook on life.

The clash of worldviews can get contentious, heated and hotly debated. Whether you are woke or anti-woke, politically correct or proudly politically incorrect. I’ve recently learned that the term “woke” had a different meaning than what it means now. You can look it up on Wikipedia if you’re curious. The term began to be used in the 1930’s.

The battle lines are drawn and everyone on one side is right and the people on the other side are either deluded, misled or outright evil. Its us vs. them.

On the other hand, there are lines in the sand and we need to decide where we stand on issues and politics. Or we’ll just get into people-pleasing which gives us a false peace.

I have learned over the years that some conflict, (when done in the pursuit of truth), is a good thing even when the disagreement is uncomfortable.

Dehumanizing our neighbors and family members for believing or voting for the wrong party isn’t the right way to love our neighbor. At least, I think so. Others might not want to love their neighbors.

School Board

I had an idea to run for the school board in our recent election. Found out about a local meeting and went to see what it would be like and try to make a decision whether to run or not.

That particular evening was a double event. First was a very detailed presentation geared for those who might run for the school board. They explained what exactly the school board did and what the various school departments do, I learned a lot and their work was varied and the information was very helpful.

After the presentation, I went to the official School Board room where I settled down to what I assumed would be a boring meeting. Boring it was not.

About a dozen people came for the public comments and I forget how many via voice mail for those who couldn’t attend the meeting. Regardless, it was a lot of people.

In my conservative city there were a number of well-spoken people against masks being required in schools, a few protesting some liberal agendas in classrooms and less than five people who were happy about how things were going. It was a contentious group of people and the school board dutifully let them have their say. The meeting was public and being streamed online. A couple of the speakers threatened to sue the board members personally if they enacted any mask mandates. Emotions got heated before one man was ordered to leave after he repeatedly interrupted the meeting after the public speaking was finished.

I had some thoughts. One, even though the board listened to all 17 or 20 people say their 5-10 minute pieces, they didn’t say anything afterwards to acknowledge people’s concerns. I could see how the school board members felt personally attacked after learning how much intricate interdisciplinary work they do as a school board.

At the time this happened, there was no mask mandate, (county or school district wise). Then to the school board it appeared a bunch of angry parents protested on an unrelated issue that was a current non-issue.

I learned later on that a nearby school board for a neighboring district had voted to enact a mask mandate when the county didn’t require one. Which prompted the huge response from the public against our district’s school board enacting any mask mandates. But there was no such item on the agenda for that night or known future meetings. This happened just before schools would reopen for the fall in 2021.

I could also see it from the parents’ perspective how they were tired and frustrated with the academic world, particularly the local school board ignoring their objections and the school system indoctrinating their children with an ideology they personally disagreed with. The school board is supposed to be the voice of the voters and a civilian watchdog in how the school district uses tax money to run the schools.

This was a small instance of the larger culture war being played out across the country from local municipalities to the federal level. Much like how the pickling process flavors the cucumbers. There are numerous recipes for different types of pickles and flavors. Sort of like how there are conflicting subcultures.

I had concluded not to run. The three times a month board meetings plus the other off the clock hours of prep work, the lack of funds to run for office, and the cost of getting a Lyft or Uber to and from the required meetings wouldn’t be feasible. I had good intentions and even though I had strong convictions and a long history of working well with people I disagreed with, Part of me wonders “what if.” But I have duties to my family that I would eventually neglect if I did happen by a miracle to win. And as my night in the school meeting showed me, public office, no matter how small, is right in the middle of the culture war.

Culture War

School boards and the academic world are well known for being politically correct and liberal. Their literal job is to shape minds. What is debatable is they are foisting their own ideology on the next generation instead of presenting the different perspectives accurately and fairly.

Me personally, I’d rather avoid getting involved in the culture war. I don’t want to be caught in the whirlwind that Jordan Peterson and other unfortunate people find themselves due to convictions which cause conflicts, thus erupting into yet another clash of the culture war. Often those brave souls who stand for their beliefs are socially outcast, financially punished, and/or misrepresented or portrayed badly in mainstream media.

When push comes to shove, maybe I won’t stand up under the pressure when its time for me to stand for what I believe in,

I’ve got my family to consider too. We all have various health issues and that was also in the forefront of my mind of when I was trying to decide to run or not. My family was supportive, but I didn’t want to get them caught in the maelstrom of the culture war or the limelight of public office either. Just because I wanted to make a difference in the children of my school district. I don’t have children of my own and I’m not married. But, I’ve always loved kids and wanted to pitch in. But, 2021 wasn’t the year to do so. Maybe someday I might run. Who knows?

One theory is I think that fuels the culture war is people not actively listening to each other. Engaging honestly with them and trying to understand their viewpoint. Even though I have pretty strong convictions and beliefs, I’m usually not adverse to hearing the opposing viewpoint by someone who believes it. It helps if they can articulate it well in a calm, rational manner, instead of debasing the other side.

Good Faith Dialogue

In the Big Five personality test I scored quite high in the Openness subcategory. Which is atypical of someone with conservative beliefs. And I’m higher on the Agreeableness scale as well.

All of which color my personality. And my beliefs that it would be better for everyone to talk things out, learn from each other and just agree to disagree and treat each other with courtesy and respect.

Sure I want to get people to agree with me. I know it’s probably not going to happen. So I aim for understanding and mutual respect instead.

Unfortunately, most people aren’t that way. Which is sad and quite frustrating. This results in the culture war instead of a great learning opportunity.

I don’t have to attack others in our culture war, I’ve chosen to listen, engage and learn. The other side is not going to change my mind. They might in small matters. But, good faith conversations might be a bridge to loving and befriending my enemies.

Pickle Recipe

I asked a friend who canned pickles what the process was. She favors the spicy sweet pickles recipe.

Three days you boil water then let the cucumbers soak in the water for a day, (covered on the counter). The first day is just with water which softens them up to receive the flavorings to come and gives them a good cleaning.

The second day is with pickling salt which acts as a preservative and adds that saltiness to it. Then the third day is with alum which gives the pickles that crisp. Some people skip alum for various reasons. Each day you drain, (but don’t rinse), the cucumbers. Then add the new liquid to let it soak covered for a day.

This is all to prepare them for the fourth day where you boil apple cider vinegar and the spices. And you add this mixture to the drained cucumbers and let it sit for four days covered on the counter.

Then on day eight you drain it out and pack them with sugar and put them in jars. The sugar draws out even more of the vinegar leaving just the spices behind. Anyhow, you get how there are many steps to pickling spicy sweet pickles.

As sociologists and anthropologists would probably confirm that the long process of how culture shapes us is probably even more intricate and multifaceted than of a pickle recipe.

Final Thoughts

For the record, I’m neutral when it comes to the wearing of masks. I don’t have a side I’m “with”. It was just what happened that night at the school board so I shared it as an example. I have friends on both sides. I care about them and understand their views and frustrations regarding the issue.

There was a fantastic article discussing the playing out of the culture war in the online space. It was called, “The Internet of Beefs”. It’s a long read, but well-thought out. The “mooks and knights” explained the dynamics well.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts on this topic. If you want to talk or connect for a good faith conversation, my social media links are on my website. Or you are welcome to leave a comment.

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My Brother

March 30, 2022 by Valerie Flynn Leave a Comment

I have a younger brother. I’m 18 months older than him. We have a pretty good relationship. Even when we were young we got along pretty well. We were each other’s first friends and playmates.

I used to be taller than him, but now he’s taller than me. When we were young, many people used to say we looked alike. Then we grew up and he grew out his beard. Now they just see the family resemblance.

I’m not sure how personal this should be. I want to respect his privacy yet I want to share our story.

One of the fun stories our parents shared with us was when we were quite little, I forget how old. He must have been a toddler. One day we were sitting on the floor playing or something. He got so angry at me that he leaned over and bit my Mary Jane shoe, (which was on my foot.)

And I’ve been annoying him ever since. I do have a tendency to nag my poor dear brother, which I’m trying not to do. We both have our foibles and vices.

But let me tell you about his virtues and talents.

He has our father’s wit and humor. He’s really good at making us laugh and keeping things upbeat. He’s really smart and tech-savvy. He’s warm, patient, kind and generous.

I remember one time we were out biking as children and he had taken a different path than me. A car drove to the end of our apartment complex and the guy was asking me for directions on how to get to the store as I was sitting on my bike. I didn’t realize it at the time how unusual it was for this guy to be all the way down the end of the parking lot where the empty daycare was by our apartment complex asking a child for directions. Then my brother happened to come back from the dirt trail he was on and the guy drove off real quick.

It didn’t hit me until later. When I told my family what had happened, that I realized the guy was highly suspicious.

Another memory I have is at the same apartment complex. There was a pool there and my brother and I would go swimming together. One time he was getting bullied and I stood up to my full height in the shallows of the pool and came to his defense and the bully stopped bothering my brother.

We used to like to race his Hot Wheels in the kitchen, where there was a tile floor-perfect for racing cars.

I always considered him the smart one of us. He helped Dad with the tech stuff in the studio and in classes. He learned how to edit on Avid, (a professional computer editing software), while he was still in high school. He learned how to work PhotoShop and do graphic design in his yearbook class at high school. He had a good eye for design and did a good job.

I was more of the get-it-done and people person while Ian was more of the figure out how to do stuff person.

Even after losing Dad, we’re still a team. We work together, take turns with chores and help each other with stuff the other’s not so good at.

We both say and do things that annoy the other. But we’ve got a pretty peaceful close relationship. We still rely on one another.

I like it when we have our impromptu chats. We sometimes have interesting discussions. They range from personal, family stuff to politics to whatever the both of us have watched on YouTube or learned about.

Sometimes we joke about running gags from our Voice Over classes or things from the past. We have a shared history that we both contributed to. It was a rather unique childhood working with our father in media production and teaching classes.

In spite of our visual and hearing handicaps, we worked in media. The dream of doing our father’s films and projects sadly died with him. But the camaraderie we gained throughout the years is still strong.

I don’t know what the next chapter of our lives will entail. We have a quiet life now of just taking care of our mother and my brother’s wife with their health issues. We all have health issues and we’re getting older ourselves.

May God continue to take care of us as he has been before and after Dad died.

I hope and pray we continue to have many more years of life together, to laugh, comfort and help each other.

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About Jesus and Bad Bananas

December 14, 2021 by Valerie Flynn 6 Comments

A while ago we had a bunch of bananas that never ripened. I think it was two weeks we had them and they remained greenish yellow. I remember peeling one and taking a bite, just in case. I know, I know. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Yep, you guessed it. It wasn’t good. One mouthful and I was throwing out the banana and the rest of the bunch with it into the trash.

So what does this have to do with Jesus? I’ll get to that. Never fear, this isn’t some cliché bearing good fruits bible study thing. This rambling is more of a train of thought. “What if I’m a bad banana?” crept into my mind. With some tangential bananas themes popping up throughout this, whatever this thing is that I’m writing.

Evangelical vs. Charismatic

So, in Christianity there’s two camps or parts of a whole: the Evangelical and the Charismatic divisions. There are a lot of different denominations, I’m not specifically talking about that. I’m sort of talking about the spirit or mindset from these traditions. I’m referring to the sound doctrine of the Bible and the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit.

When I say Evangelical, I’m thinking of the denomination’s tendency to focus on biblical truths and studies. The discipline of studying and applying the word of God to one’s life. It’s an important factor of being a Christian. Sometimes, or maybe most of the time, sound doctrine or dogma tends to be stuffy and dry but true. One of the negatives in knowing your Bible doesn’t guarantee being a better Christian. Sometimes those who really know their Bibles in and out lack love and the power to live as followers of Christ. The truth of scriptures is really important. We should know our Bible and “be ready to give a defense for the gospel”.

Sometimes people are drawn to the Charismatic for good or selfish reasons. When I say Charismatic, I’m referring to the Charismatic denomination that focus on the manifestations of the Holy Spirit: healings, prophecy, exorcising demons or spiritual warfare, etc. There are people gifted or empowered by the Holy Spirit seeing the supernatural power of God. I know it sounds fruity, but it’s really real. Non-Christians can shake their heads and dismiss it, because, yeah, it sounds kooky or made-up. Some people have experienced healings and, well, real possessions. And it IS freaky and NOT something to play with or chase after.

But, sometimes the people who are caught up in the Charismatic side of things who aren’t grounded in the Bible are flaky. There’s a lot of nutty stuff that goes on in the Charismatic branch of Christianity. That’s why some believers rush over to the Evangelical side of Bible Studies, Dogma and Doctrines; so which path is right?

Just like we have two hemispheres to our brains, we need both. The right intuitive side that knows and takes action on stuff that it can’t explain and the left side of reason and biblical precepts to build one’s life upon. It’s best when both halves are working together.

There are a couple of Charismatic holy living Christians that I sometimes see preaching whose videos are on YouTube. And they inspire hope for living a holy life and encouragement that God does answer prayers and win spiritual battles. They both are humble, a bit hyper and eccentric, yet grounded in God’s Word.

Then I listen to an intellectual pastor out of California who sometimes trolls, knows and speaks about Jordan Peterson and isn’t afraid to have YouTube Conversations, (not debates), with atheists and agnostics. He’s a lifelong learner who’s very open-minded to new ideas, very smart and deals with homeless people daily at his Sacramento church. He’s also grounded in the Word after twenty plus years of ministry. I’d place this Dutch pastor in the Evangelical corner.

They are bearing good fruits in different ways. Very different people. And the variance between them both encourages and perplexes me. Where are the smart learners who live life with miracles and visions as a normal part of their lives? Is that why banana splits are a rare treat?

Good Tree vs. Bad Tree

There’s a parable in one of the Gospels, (or maybe several Gospels), that talks about being a good tree or a bad tree. The good tree bears fruit. The bad tree doesn’t and gets cut down and thrown into a fire. Here’s where the questioning if I’m a bad banana comes in.

I’m not as grounded in the Word as I could be. I think I know the Bible, but have barely memorized a few verses and the Lord’s Prayer. I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed a miracle, let alone had a prayer for one be answered. At least that I know of. I don’t think I’ve ever really witnessed to anyone about Jesus being the way of salvation from sin.

Other than periodically praying in tongues, I’m not a supernaturally empowered Christian. Well, not in ways that are dramatic or easily seen like “whoa, that person was healed”, or something. For good or bad, I’m just a mediocre Christian. There, I’ve said it. Of course I seek after God. But, I’m not doing anything special; just living my life and being myself.

Wishing yet fearing for the Holy Spirit to shift up the gears in my own life. Blessings? “Count me in!” Hardships and persecutions? “Um, please no.”

Salt and Light

Here’s the part where I fear I resemble the never ripening bananas. I’ve never seen bananas not ripen like that. But it happened.

I’ve been a Christian for nearly thirty years. I went through the enthusiasm of being a new believer, stagnation and wrestling with sin, and hiding my faith or muffling it for over a decade. Other than having a better handle on my temper, and God helping me to overcome some sins, I don’t really feel like I have much salt to share; or light to pierce the darkness to give hope. I used to rarely go to church. Due to Covid-19, my current church is in limbo, still figuring things out. I have a periodic Bible Study group that I go to, meeting now on social media.

Here’s another reason I question if I am a bad banana. There’s the great commission Christians are given. I haven’t really led anyone in the Sinner’s Prayer to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Let alone actually ministered to anyone about Jesus.

For nearly two years now I’ve been doing daily devotional, Bible reading and praying. That’s an improvement. But do I really love people, my family, my friends and my neighbors? Or am I just being nice because that’s how I was raised to be? Do I really manifest the fruits of Spirit in my life, or am I just acting the part?

Reflections

Sometimes, I do the right thing. Other times, I let pride get the better of me and fail again. I don’t know if living the quiet life is all there is for me. What if God’s giving me rest before launching me into the action later in my life? Does Kingdom of Heaven work exist in the small menial day-to-day tasks taking care of my family? It exists obviously in ministry. So, am I just to be content and live each day the best I can in the smallness that I find myself in? No saving the world or big miracles. Living in peace with those around me. Will that testify to God being glorified? Will that increase the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth?

I guess that’s all I know; I have a stable life, filled with family members with medical conditions. There’s food in the fridge, a roof over our heads and the bills are paid. All of which I’m very grateful to God for providing. I want to relish and stay in this place of provision and safety. I also selfishly want more power and money. A bigger home, more room, and control over my life.

What am I trying to say? I could be a better Christian. More devoted, better at reading and memorizing my Bible. Better at loving my family, instead of just serving them from a sense of duty and need. Better at loving my friends and neighbors. Covid-19 seems to be a convenient excuse to not engage with my neighbors right now, for better or worse.

Am I a bad banana or banana yogurt? When I was a toddler, my parents used to warm up some yogurt and mix some mashed bananas into it. They would feed me it as I watched Sesame Street. Things were simpler then. I knew my parents loved me and simple shows like Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers’s Neighborhood educated me as they entertained me.

Life is more complex. However, some things are simple to understand. I know I’m saved, but I don’t know if I’ll receive a reward in heaven. I don’t know if I’m really obeying Him in all I say or do. I think I am, then pride rears its head and I get cocky again.

“Work out your salvation with fear and trembling,” Paul said. Maybe I’m still a work in progress that’ll take another twenty years to see the improvement. I don’t know.

Jesus loves me, imperfect, frail and flawed as I am. He gave His all, His life and said follow me. I’m saved, yet I shrink back from going full tilt for Him like He did for me. I love Him, but I’m a coward. I don’t want to endure suffering or persecutions. But, as a believer, I’m probably going to at some point. If I’m sincere in my faith I’ll persevere. Will I stand for Christ or bow to worldly pressure? I hope I stand for Him, like He stood up for me.

I can’t really do much and others are facing much harder times than I am. I’m thankful for what God has given me and try to do my morning devotion and pray honestly with Him. Spending time with Him. It doesn’t seem like much, but the habit has been built almost two years now and I think it’s good.

Non-religious people may feel like prayer is a waste of time or just wishful thinking. But when you really have no power or just realize that you’re not God, it really is a relief to be able to talk honestly with the highest source of power and authority. Asking Him for help with all the things. Help, healing, wisdom and stuff for yourself, other people, and other nations.

God is so big. Bigger than the problems, bigger than the egos, bigger than life, time and the universe. To know He’s good and righteous and holy and has loved people since the beginning. It is a comforting thing to trust Him in spite of all the woes, suffering and injustices in the world. I only become aware of snippets of it all. I wouldn’t be able to handle what He sees and know of what’s really going on. Past, present and future. He’s God and I’m not. Sometimes what I do know of the wrongs do overwhelm me. And I question Him. But, in the end I still trust Him. What is the alternative? I don’t trust my mind or emotions, I don’t trust my motives. When doubt creeps in and I get an inkling of the hopelessness of the perspective of there being no God, it scares me. And I thank God He’s really real and actually loves us and is good.

Conclusion

There was this dish my Mom used to make called Baked Bananas. She’d cut up the almost too ripe bananas in half sideways. Put the halves in a square Pyrex pan. Sprinkle some cinnamon on top then squeeze or shake some lemon juice on them. Bake them in the oven for fifteen to twenty minutes at two hundred and fifty degrees.

I don’t know if I’m a never-ripening banana, a bad banana or a baked banana. Remember Keith Green’s song, So You Wanna Go Back to Egypt? He ended the humorous long list of manna variance with banana bread. Spoilers for those of you who’ve never heard the song before. Sorry, not sorry. It’s still a fun song, check it out on YouTube or Spotify or something.

Perhaps you’re an atheist or agnostic who read this thinking religious people are slightly bananas for believing as we do. I don’t know, maybe we are, but just maybe we’re not. Sometimes I doubt it as well. Ever read The Silver Chair from the Narnia series? The scene with the Green Witch, the fire smoke and the Marshwiggle is one to check out for those doubting moments.

Jill and Eustace kept messing up Aslan’s clues, but they did do one thing right. For those who don’t know the story, I won’t reveal any other spoilers. But those who have read the book know what I’m referring to. Seems a bit unfair if you’ve never read the book and aren’t going to, I guess.

But that’s life, isn’t it? Unfair. Sometimes it’s absurd like Woody Allen’s Bananas movie. But sometimes there are moments of beauty and sweetness.

Maybe the question isn’t if I’m a good or bad banana. Maybe the focus should be who is the top banana. Jesus Christ, the Son of Man. Lord of lords, King of kings, the Prince of Peace.

Going to heaven isn’t the point of becoming a Christian. It’s a small part of it. It’s about what Jesus taught about the Kingdom of Heaven and the Resurrection. Someday all the believers are going to have a new resurrected body. Just like Jesus when he rose from the dead after three days.

Well, this is the end of my verbal processing. Thank you for listening. Maybe you’re a banana split or banana bread. Or maybe you’re wondering if you’re a bad banana too. Hope this helps you.

As a Christian I rest in the hope, “Day-o! Daaay-O! Daylight come and me wanna go home!”

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Friends

July 14, 2021 by Valerie Flynn Leave a Comment

I have friends. Some are friends of my father and family. Some are my personal friends. Not everyone has friends. It’s kinda like money, easy to make money when you have money. Easier to make friends when you have friends.

Years ago I wanted to make some friends of my own, not just share my Dad’s friends. So I ended up going to a Bible study that was at a coffee house. It was a weekly thing that was mostly made of a nice family. Periodically guests would come, but it was mostly the family and me for nearly a year. I was able to become friendly and have tea with one of the daughters.

Then one day a red-haired gal came. She ended up inviting me to another bible study group. That’s where I met one of my future best friends. But she had to leave early that night due to a co-worker passing away.

My future best friend ended up calling me to invite me to different things. I told her the truth, that I really appreciated her staying in touch with me even when I couldn’t do most of the activities due to our family’s hectic work schedule. And to please keep calling me. She kindly kept reaching out to me no matter how many “no’s” I had to give her. I slowly got to know her and love her bubbly personality. That led me to hanging out a few times with the self-named Geeks. A group of former roommates and co-workers who got together weekly to watch “Star Trek: The Next Generation”. I like the show, but I wasn’t a big fan of it like they were. I met some of them at a miniature golf outing I was invited to. They were nice people. It would be a while before I was invited to a geek birthday party for my best friend’s sister. The group had morphed from watching the series to gathering for dinner, games and conversation. I was invited more often to join them. This was a very nice atmosphere for me since it was very much like the old studio days of fellowship I grew up in. The joking, bantering and friendship was very reminiscent to me. I entered their fellowship at the right time for me. It wasn’t always like that for them. It was gather, get your dinner and watch 5-6 episodes a night and little discussion.

A couple of years passed, then my father passed away. My close friends from the Geeks were there for me. I wasn’t alone. I had a network of people who knew and liked me the way I was. In quiet subtle ways they supported me and my family as we adjusted from a whirlwind life to settling down to just take care of my mother and ourselves.

During this time of a major 180 degree change in our lives and getting things set up, my best friend shared some very helpful information that transformed our lives and I’m eternally grateful to her for that.

I also felt that I needed to reach out to my Dad’s friends and be available for them. So I finally joined Facebook. That opened up many ways to connect with my Dad’s friends, both old and new. We sometimes see each other’s posts online and there was a lot of support. Many shared stories, fond memories or of how Dad had helped and encouraged them.

Over the years I haven’t really done much, since I’m not able to go down to Denver to have coffee with them. Facebook has its perks and downsides. I haven’t been as proactive in reaching out and just touching base with Dad’s friends. There’s a bible verse that says something to the effect of not neglecting your father’s friends. Some of them I see on Facebook and I’ll comment on their posts, but they don’t usually show up in my news feed.

I could do better.

It’s been ten years since Dad passed away. I’ve made some friends in different places as well during my journey. Some through essential oils, ironically. One in particular is another of my best friends. She’s a classy lady and we share a lot of common interests. I met her through a mutual friend.

I’m kind of an in-between person in a way, I have some conservative beliefs, yet many of my friends tend to be liberals or moderates. I have a few conservative friends, which is nice since I grew up in media production; that tended to be heavily liberal. In that media culture, my beliefs were marginalized, mocked and belittled. So I became very close-mouthed about my beliefs and not ashamed, but ostracized in a way. So I bottled it all up.

It;s nice that now my liberal friends know where I stand and still accept me as I am. I don’t shove my beliefs down anyone’s throat. But I’ve gotten better at voicing my opinions. Diplomatically of course, I am my father’s daughter. My father was well-known for his diplomacy.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t fit in with my liberal or conservative friends. I’ve got some opinions and beliefs that don’t fit with either crowd. I tend to see the perspective of both and I end up bringing up the other side’s point sometimes in conversations. I prefer respectful discussions to volatile arguments.

I do different things with different friends. Some are more sit and chat, some others like to do some kind of activity, most are a mix of the two.

I’m thankful for my family and friends. I’m very blessed. But, not everyone is. There’s a lot of lonely people in the world – some due to personality issues, some due to their work schedules, some due to various circumstances. I can’t solve their lack of friendship issues. I can only manage the relationships in my own life. And I’m doing better with some relationships than I am in others. Some friends and associates I’ve drifted away from because of time and distance. Others drifted away from me.

I have different groups of friends. The best friends, the inner circle, family friends, the outer circle and associates. Then there’s friends you’re friends with because they’re your friends’ friends. You know what I mean. You like them and all, but you’re not close to them like your inner circle. They are great to hang out with and/or play a game with or some other fun activity. I wonder how many of us have the friend’s friends in our lives. I think it’s good for us in a way. The building blocks of community. Like a church community is a mix of people from different walks of life. We need that variety of different perspectives beside our own or our tribe. It’s nice when I hang out with my conservative friends. It’s refreshing to be on the same page on most things. I can talk about certain topics with ease with them than my more liberal or moderate friends. But, the latter give me fresh new things to think and talk about. Plus they’re a lot of fun to banter with.

I wish I could get all my friends to think like me. But, that’s rather selfish. I’m sure they’ve thought it would be nice to get their one conservative or liberal friend or relative to think like them too. The desire to want others to think like we do is natural. I’m not sure what to do with it. Because we believe the truth and that our loved ones have fallen for a lie. We want to change them, save them from the lies of the other side. In the end God knows the truth. Unless you don’t believe in God. Than that’s another decisive point of opinions. How does the Church hold its diversity in the tension of its unity?

I learned the phrases, “Life is messy” and “People are messy” from one of my best friends. Having friends isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. Sometimes they say or do things that hurt you or offend you. Sometimes they betray you or try to coerce you to do something you shouldn’t do. Peer pressure isn’t always used for good purposes or bad. It’s a strong dynamic when you’re young, but depending on how you handle it – it can control your life later on.

Back in junior high, I had a friend tell me that if I didn’t eat a certain food (that was available during our lunch time) that she wouldn’t be my friend anymore. I was wearing braces at the time and knew I wasn’t allowed to eat whatever it was. I can’t remember what the food was, something sticky and nutty probably or some such. I told her no, told her I’m not allowed to eat that with the braces on and walked out of the lunchroom. Hours later she was hanging out with me as if nothing had happened. That moment struck in my memory as successfully standing up for myself. I made a lot of mistakes and said & did stupid things when I was younger. But, in that moment, I said and did the right thing. It wasn’t about the braces, it was about not being coerced into violating my conscience.

On the flip side, my friends have influenced me in many ways. I’m more outspoken than I used to be. I understand that conflict and argument can be constructive in gaining understanding and resolution if done in a truth-seeking way. I’m still me, but I’ve learned a lot over the last dozen years. About my friends, about myself and my family. I’m sitting here trying to think of how else my friends have influenced me. I’m not sure. Probably in a lot of small little ways. I’ve picked up little mannerisms and sayings and ways of doing things from them as well over the years.

I think this is done for now. I can’t think of anything to add. But, maybe you have some thoughts or memories you’d like to share with me? Are you a family friend who has some fun or interesting memory of Dad? Do you have a piece of wisdom on friendship and friends you can share with me?

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The Next Piece

February 9, 2021 by Valerie Flynn 6 Comments

So if I want to be a writer, I need to write. Build up the habit of writing every day. This is me writing something. Maybe my second piece could be about writing. My mom is the one who put the idea in my head to write.

My mom is pretty smart and used to be my dad’s writing partner. She spells really well and knows grammar in and out. I can barely make a sentence diagram. I know what a verb is. Subject, I take an educated guess. Adjectives I mostly know. These sentences will probably make my mom shake her head at me. We might leave them as they are so you can feel her pain. She’s my first editor. She probably going to talk me into fixing these sentences. And in matters of grammar, I usually bow to her wisdom. (Mom: Only minor things. After all, this is stream of consciousness writing.)

I really love my mom. She’s pretty cool and chill. And she thinks I’m wonderful. She’s slightly biased; but, I’m glad she’s my mom. We have fun doing these writing things. I write and misspell stuff and she reads through it all and fixes my mistakes. We talk about anything that she needs to clarify or we figure out what to do with this or that.

My dad used to write by hand and my mom deciphered his handwriting. Since she knew how to type and work the script softwares, she’d type up what my dad wrote. I remember some of the screenplays that they worked on. I wish we could have produced my dad’s work. He was a good writer, understood characters and wrote them well. He wrote great dialogue, too.

I won’t ever be a great writer like him. I write whatever comes into my mind and edit it away with a chisel. He edited it in his head. He’d get lots of ideas, but wouldn’t write a word unless it revealed character and/or moved the story forward.

I used to write fanfiction. I like it, but I’m in a non-fiction stage right now. Maybe someday I’ll get back into it and pick up my story where I left it hanging.

I’m going to stop and take a break now. Maybe I’ll get a little bowl of goldfish crackers. That was my dad’s writing snack. Yeah, see you in a minute. Well, I got my mom some goldfishes too. She laughed when I told her the name of the piece. She got a kick out of it when I explained I’m writing about writing. It feels good to make people laugh. My dad was good at that and so is my brother. Making people laugh for good reasons, not the mean ones.

So this piece is kinda a-behind-the-scenes look at my budding writing career. I’m trying to build up the habit of writing. And so I decided after a chat with one of my friends yesterday to try to write for at least 15 minutes a day, Monday through Friday.

It’s funny. I sat down with no idea of what to write and now “The Next Piece” is born. Writing about writing.

Why am I writing. I’m hoping to eventually sell and publish some of my writings. Which, wow, what an impossible dream that is. There’s a lot of talented writers out there. I have a slight impostor syndrome when it comes to writing.

I don’t have the mechanics of writing down. Hopefully, I’ll get better over time. There’s a lot where I can improve.

My friends’ and mom’s feedback keep telling me to write. I may never make money from writing. But, gee whiz, it would be nice if I could, miracle of miracles, make a living writing.

I don’t drive due to vision issues. And writing is something I could do right here in my own home. Sit down everyday and just write. Write and something new would be created. The old writing proverb, “In the beginning was the word.” As my dad used to say, “Nothing happens without a piece of paper.”

What do I want to write? And I need to figure out some good topics for my blog. I could go through my book notes and do some pieces on what I learned. I don’t know. Maybe it would be better to just do stream of consciousness for the journaling. Probably do a mix of the two.

I really don’t know what to say. Writers ought to have some depth to themselves with interesting things to say or keep you reading to see what will happen in the story next. I never used to be into journaling. But now it seems the only way I want to write.

Woke up early this morning around 4 something and finally got up around 5am. Had a nice devotional time and then read until 10am. Finished a Marie Kondo manga about tidying up. I’ve been stewing on the why behind the clutter revealed by Marie Kondo. People are either attached to the past or live in fear of the future. Then I read some of Jordan Peterson’s book, “12 Rules for Life”. I got up to the fourth chapter. The rule was something about compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not someone else today. But, that’s the gist of it. It would be helpful to find what sparks joy for me and orient myself towards the highest good.

I need something to aim for. Getting published is too expedient a goal. Need something more meaningful. What would I like to write? I like eclectic things. Should I funnel in on something? Focus in and make a choice. This is something my brain can stew on. I don’t have a deadline or anything like that hanging over me. Writing is a process of discovery for me. Learning what to say and how to say it. I like that as my aim.

I’m a writer. I can say that now. It gives me a vocational identity. Which is helpful in this world. Everyone asks, “So what do you do?” I can now say, “I’m a writer.” Maybe it’s prideful or egotistical to admit wanting to say I’m a writer. There are writers out there more talented than I am. Some published, some not. Several of my friends are real wordsmiths.

They say writing is a lonely profession. Most of the time you’re just in your head and alone. I’m lucky to have friends who write. Sometimes we get together, on Discord, and read some of the stuff we wrote. I think it’s great. It’s interesting to hear others’ writings.

I’ve been trying to think on what to write about and what sparks joy and what to aim for in my writing. Other than stumbling on a book on how to take smart notes, I don’t have much. Perhaps, I will learn what to write about as time goes on. Maybe my writing will evolve like my interests do. At this time I don’t have a book I want to write.

It’s been a while since I last wrote this. Been trimming and editing. I have a couple of updates to add. I purchased several things, a book “Byline Bible” and the 2021 Christian Writer’s Market Guide. So now I can look for places to publish my writing. Got feedback that I could publish my first piece. So I’ve been looking and trying to figure out where to publish it. It’s way longer than the 900 word pieces the Byline Bible says certain types of articles should be. Now I know what kinds of pieces sell and what to write. This piece is too long and more personal. So it’ll probably be posted to my blog. The first piece I wrote ended up at 2,400 words. Way too long for the 400 – 900 word personal essay. I did get another book, “You Are A Writer (So Start Acting Like One)”. It’s about writing and building your author platform. Also picked up the latest Writer’s Market.

Following advice from “You are a Writer…” book, I joined Twitter. Because that’s where the writing community is. It’s been a bit of a learning curve. In order to pursue writing professionally, I need to build up a writing habit. I also need to build a platform to connect with fans and friends. Luckily, I already have a website and a few blog posts. None are geared towards writing. I have one blog post about essential oils. I’m going to leave it up along with my essential oil links. Because that’s a part of who I am. I’m not going to hide that part of me. I’m just going to hide other parts of myself instead.

My website should reflect my eclectic interests. I might make some other blog posts about the books and other things I’ve learned. I might write more about things I learn or know. I’m going to keep being me. I don’t want to write about the controversial stuff. Yeah, I have opinions on things, but I don’t need to try to make you believe what I believe. Maybe I might stand on my social media soapbox someday, but not today. I’ve got my hands full just living my life, helping my family and now writing.

Writing Resources

So if you’re a fellow writer just getting into the business; here are a few helpful resources for you.

Byline Bible: Get Published in 5 Weeks book cover

“Byline Bible” explains how to build up experience and get published in magazines. I learned a lot from it, taking 20 pages of notes from it. According to the author, there are 5 basic types of essays / articles that are always in demand and easier for newer writers to write.

Writer’s Digest publishes a directory of book publishers and publications every year.

2021 Christian Writer’s Market Guide.
https://christianwritersinstitute.com/

Writer’s Digest is a magazine for writers. They have a lot of articles on their website. https://www.writersdigest.com/

How to format your manuscript. Writer’s Market had slightly different margin and font choices. So, I think some of it’s up to personal preference. Including this link because you gotta start somewhere.
https://www.firstwriter.com/traditionalpublishing/manuscript_format.shtml

Alternative Links to Writer’s Market
Some of the links are outdated. But, I only knew about Writer’s Market and was curious as to what else is out there.
https://www.quora.com/Is-there-an-online-equivalent-to-Writers-Market-If-so-what-is-it?share=1

Writer Beware: Literary Agents

LITERARY AGENTS

What writing resources do you recommend? Post them in the comments below.

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